Navigating Emotional Clutter in a Relationship

Emotional clutter has the same weight of physical clutter. Even though it doesn't fill our homes, it does fIlls the most valuable space: our mind.

Communication is so valuable when organizing a space. Understanding why our partners want to keep certain items, why they refuse to put things away when asked or where their habits stem from are all pieces to the puzzle of tidy, serene space. When we take the time to ask the right questions we get a better understanding of our partners and the why behind their action (or inaction). 

This same process goes along with emotional clutter too. We all have different experiences and perspectives. When we ask why in a way that doesn't feel like we are judging the other person, it opens up an opportunity to learn more about our partners and how we can better support them. 

The key is to be clear in what we want, what isn't work in the current situation and how we can adjust to support each other. When we hold emotional clutter in it builds up just like the pile of mail over time. Each time our partner doesn’t read our minds or makes “the wrong decision” the anger and resentment grows. And then we burst. 

When we burst, people tend to go into defense mode which isn't productive or helpful when you are trying to express yourself. If you get ahead of your emotions and have conversations at the point when the “action” occurs, we give our partner the opportunity to adjust their habits to better support you. 

We are in relationships to grow, to feel supported and secure. If you aren't feeling all these things, talk about it. Most likely your partner will want to adjust and they might have some requests for you. Relationships are work and need maintenance just like a newly organized space. We need to maintain our home just like we need to maintain the relationships within them.